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It may not have been an easy question in the past, but it’s certainly a tougher one to answer nowadays: Are you happy?
I have never felt more unsure about my career — newspapers aren’t exactly a growth industry — and I am seriously questioning whether I’ll be able to hold onto my house and help my kids with their college education. I don’t have much in the way of a retirement fund, and a number of big-ticket things are broken around the house. In other words, there are a lot of things going on that could — should? — make me nervous, pissed off or just plain unhappy.
But, I am happy. And oddly, so are a lot of young adults even though they're facing a world in much worse shape than I did when I was their age.
What gives?
Seventy-three percent of the 1,100 18- to 24-year olds recently polled by MTV said they are generally happy with life, even though more of them believe they’ll have a harder time finding work, buying a house and raising a family than their parents did. That’s up from 66 percent in 2007.
OK, but why the happiness? Some said they feel close to family and friends. I do, too. It’s like that old cliché — no one on his deathbed ever wishes he’d spent more time in the office. No, we regret time not spent with loved ones.
There have been dozens of books released in recent years about happiness; most of them acknowledge that we're pretty bad judges of what we think will make us happy. That's pretty much the message of "Stumbling on Happiness" by Daniel Gilbert, which I loved. He, too, points out that, ultimately, our happiness is intertwined with family and friends.
Some shrinks are saying that perhaps the economic meltdown has shifted our priorities of what “happy” looks like. More of us may not be equating our happiness to the material things we have, but to our connections to others.
And we may also be lowering our expectations, too. Bye-bye 3,000-square-foot homes, luxury cars, six-figure salaries with golden parachutes; hello reality.
I have never been one for luxury items, and have always valued my relationships with friends and family over things. And I never put much of an emphasis on money, either (much to the chagrin of my parents); I always wanted a career that didn't feel like "work." I just can't see toiling away at something that you don't love doing. It's what I tell my kids, too.
Getting divorced certainly gave me a good dose of reality and loss. My biggest worry at the time was, How will I survive? Then I wondered if I would ever find love again. Coming to a place of acceptance that I have no one but myself to keep things going helped me shed a lot of expectations.
A few years post-divorce and, yes, I'm happy. I do have a lot of love in my life, everyone's healthy, we have a home and food and no one's running around naked (unless that's what we're chosing in the moment because we all do need to be naked at times). For now, not much has changed, but I am fully aware that it all could — quickly and drastically — fall apart. I could freak out about it — I've been known to do that in the past — but in my new Zen-like approach to things (which looks strangely a lot like to "I give up!"), I’m brainstorming scenarios of what I could do should I have to.
But it does make you think deeper about what happiness means, about what you truly need to be happy. And no one can decide that for you; it's totally an individual thing.
Do you know?
And has it changed because of the scary economy reality of today?
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economic reality Dadshouse — Yes, this economic situation is forcing lots of us to make unhappy choices, but I think we're always balancing needs (ours and our kids') vs. desires. Maybe this is the upside of it all — we're being more mindful, especially about what really matters. Thanks for commenting. |
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The economy forces choices The economy is forcing me to prioritize things in my life like never before. And because I'm a single parent who wants to stay close to my kids and involved in their lives, I don't have totally free reign over my choices. Sometimes we have to pick things we don't want to keep other things we do want. It's a balancing act, for sure. But I think you're right - family nearby, and work you love, are key. |
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